Mood-swing...

I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE!!!!

I was wondering along the way home why did I get the feeling of crying all of a sudden. Then it dawned on me. There are many factors I guess. But the most important issue where all my worries evolved from is this - The impending move to live in The Hostel.

Yes. The move is really affecting me a lot even though I'm not moving yet until the 17th of June. The decision was made around two weeks ago. The fees I just knew four days ago. The people I just know one for more than a year, some I knew from sight and a few just got to know yesterday only.

It's super super super intimadating!!

• To be living in the hostel with so many other scholars.
• To be living with such discipline that I doubt I can manage.
• To be interacting with intellects.
• To be worrying about how to interact with the intellects.
• To be sharing a room with three other people whom I do not know who will they be yet.
• To be waking up and not be able to dilly-dally anymore.
• To not be able to sing in the bathroom anymore.
• To be eating with so many of my schoolmates every night.
• To be going to school with a bunch of people on the school bus again.
• To be going home with some of the scholars.
• To be pressured to live up to their standards.
• To be the only one from S6 series amidst ALL the scholars.
• To be following curfews of 10pm and 11pm at last.
• To not be able to go home with yq anymore.
• To not be able to go to school with xn and ps anymore.
• To be washing and hanging undies in front of other people.
• To not be able to monopolise the bathroom anymore.
• To be wary of food thefts if I leave tidbits in the fridge.
• To be sleeping above my study table.
• To not be able go out late anymore.
• To not be able to talk freely on the phone anymore.

These are just some of the worries that I have. The thing that makes me so sad is that.

I CANNOT TALK TO SIS AS OFTEN AS I DO ANYMORE ONCE I MOVE AWAY!!

The conversations that we share are really more intimate than any other conversations that I've shared with other people. Of course the reason is simple. She is my sister. She is someone that I've depended upon and vice versa for the past few years here. And now that I have to move to some foreign place without her anymore, I really wonder how am I going to cope and how long will I be able to stand not talking to her. I know there's this thing called the handphone which I can use to call or message her with. But it's just not the same. Totally different. Thus, this feeling of abandonment and loneliness which left me feeling sad and ready to cry anytime. Aihh.. I know I know I'm going to be twenty soon. But please allow me this moment to be scared and be dependent on someone before I really spread out my wings and fly out into the real world alone.