Lost Relationships...
Been going through my friendster friend's list. I just realised that I've missed alot, alot, alot, of my malaysian friends lives.
Where are they studying now? I don't know.
What course are they taking? I don't know.
Who exactly are studying in Singapore then? I don't exactly know who.
When are they having reunion again? I don't know.
I guess that's the downside of leaving them so early after Form 4. Didn't go through the main part of secondary school life with them - Form 5 and Form 6. Or just, well, sticking around in or near Ipoh or something. From this, I came to understand myself a little bit more. I'm a very passive person. I don't just out of the blue contact an old friend just to ask how are they? How's life? To me, it's sort of like ke-poh or something. Take for example, when STPM results were released earlier this year, I totally never messaged any of my classmates to ask them how did they do? What are their future plans? etc. etc. What was I thinking then? I made it seem like I've totally forgotten about them and don't care about them anymore while all the time I'm sitting down here dying to know how did they fare, hoping that they have good results, and well, just hoping that they're happy in life.
Everything's too late now. From what I saw from their friendster testimonials, photos and blogs, they're happily living their own lives now, with one another, the old alliances. Without a thought of me, as I had portrayed myself to be towards them. You know how hurt it is to see somebody who had been sitting together with you in the same one class for 4 years in a row to not acknowledge your presence in this world? To not acknowledge your status as still part of the sc2 family? To see them continuously affirming each other of their 'best friends' status among themselves, and excluding you? To read their testimonials of encouragement to each other during exam periods, to see them promising each other of another gathering when everyone's back in ipoh, to know that you've missed out on a few reunions already without anybody notifying you about them before it's over plus having to see those happy photos in which everyone had changed so much without you realising it??
I'm hurt. Really, really hurt :'(
I know I brought all these to myself. Who ask me never contact them? Who ask me to be so lazy and pai seh to even message them through friendster? Just a word of hello plus a little bit of how are you and some take cares only I also didn't bother to send. I'm at fault. Sms when go back also lazy. What excuses did I give myself then? Aiyah think they change number liao never tell me, better don't waste money to message them la. Call them? No way man, what if nothing to talk about liao then very pai seh one la the awkward silence. Msn chat? Hmm..this I tried before, just that they didn't reply and some always never online when I was. Tried to give some of them my blog address. None bothered to read while I always keep up with all their happenings and outings, Sunway Lagoon trips with college mates la, assignments cannot finish la, exam period very busy la, no confidence la, can't wait to go home la, how independent have they become la, miss home la..so much, so much more. Haha then I was thinking, weren't all these what I felt when I first came to Singapore? Now they are experiencing it for themselves liao. Wow they're really growing up. Not that I'm more grown up than them, just a bit more experienced at handling my own stuff. They will surpass me one day. A very efficient, smart bunch of people I must say. No sarcasm here!
I digress. Anyway, I've been wanting to blog about my malaysian friends for very long liao. This is just the surface of what I'm really feeling inside. Will dig them out slowly. The main thing now is to make sure I won't lose my Singapore friendships. Chasing after old friendships seems like a hopeless thing to do liao. I must make sure I keep my new friendships in Singapore. I cannot repeat my mistakes anymore if not I'll end up being a friendless person in this world. Be proactive woman!!! You can do it!! Come on!! 不要再留念着往事了，向前进！！加油！！
Where are they studying now? I don't know.
What course are they taking? I don't know.
Who exactly are studying in Singapore then? I don't exactly know who.
When are they having reunion again? I don't know.
I guess that's the downside of leaving them so early after Form 4. Didn't go through the main part of secondary school life with them - Form 5 and Form 6. Or just, well, sticking around in or near Ipoh or something. From this, I came to understand myself a little bit more. I'm a very passive person. I don't just out of the blue contact an old friend just to ask how are they? How's life? To me, it's sort of like ke-poh or something. Take for example, when STPM results were released earlier this year, I totally never messaged any of my classmates to ask them how did they do? What are their future plans? etc. etc. What was I thinking then? I made it seem like I've totally forgotten about them and don't care about them anymore while all the time I'm sitting down here dying to know how did they fare, hoping that they have good results, and well, just hoping that they're happy in life.
Everything's too late now. From what I saw from their friendster testimonials, photos and blogs, they're happily living their own lives now, with one another, the old alliances. Without a thought of me, as I had portrayed myself to be towards them. You know how hurt it is to see somebody who had been sitting together with you in the same one class for 4 years in a row to not acknowledge your presence in this world? To not acknowledge your status as still part of the sc2 family? To see them continuously affirming each other of their 'best friends' status among themselves, and excluding you? To read their testimonials of encouragement to each other during exam periods, to see them promising each other of another gathering when everyone's back in ipoh, to know that you've missed out on a few reunions already without anybody notifying you about them before it's over plus having to see those happy photos in which everyone had changed so much without you realising it??
I'm hurt. Really, really hurt :'(
I know I brought all these to myself. Who ask me never contact them? Who ask me to be so lazy and pai seh to even message them through friendster? Just a word of hello plus a little bit of how are you and some take cares only I also didn't bother to send. I'm at fault. Sms when go back also lazy. What excuses did I give myself then? Aiyah think they change number liao never tell me, better don't waste money to message them la. Call them? No way man, what if nothing to talk about liao then very pai seh one la the awkward silence. Msn chat? Hmm..this I tried before, just that they didn't reply and some always never online when I was. Tried to give some of them my blog address. None bothered to read while I always keep up with all their happenings and outings, Sunway Lagoon trips with college mates la, assignments cannot finish la, exam period very busy la, no confidence la, can't wait to go home la, how independent have they become la, miss home la..so much, so much more. Haha then I was thinking, weren't all these what I felt when I first came to Singapore? Now they are experiencing it for themselves liao. Wow they're really growing up. Not that I'm more grown up than them, just a bit more experienced at handling my own stuff. They will surpass me one day. A very efficient, smart bunch of people I must say. No sarcasm here!
I digress. Anyway, I've been wanting to blog about my malaysian friends for very long liao. This is just the surface of what I'm really feeling inside. Will dig them out slowly. The main thing now is to make sure I won't lose my Singapore friendships. Chasing after old friendships seems like a hopeless thing to do liao. I must make sure I keep my new friendships in Singapore. I cannot repeat my mistakes anymore if not I'll end up being a friendless person in this world. Be proactive woman!!! You can do it!! Come on!! 不要再留念着往事了，向前进！！加油！！
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